16 January, 2014
A colleague of mine once said to me, “Marisa, you always get what you want.” I found this to be such a shocking statement, and of course completely erroneous at the same time.
How could you possibly think that?, I thought to myself. I absolutely do not.
The truth is, no one does, no matter how things may appear to the outside world. But what I did find in that statement was that I do always seem to get what I need. Sometimes in the sparest sense of the word. But in a way we all do – get what we need, or at least we come to accept what we get in life and come to terms with how to live and carry on with what we have.
I’ve also learned that life is a series of ups and downs and what we should strive for is simply balance and acceptance of this natural cycle of things. What goes up must come down, and vice versa. No matter how down or low you may think you are now, you will always come back up. Or at least that has been my own experience. And instead of fighting those down times, instead of forcing myself to try to be happy, I’ve learned to let go instead and literally go with it. If my day is sucking to high heaven, well then so be it. If I don’t want to talk to anyone, then I simply don’t. There are times when we do have to put on a fake smile and learn to carry on in a way that is acceptable to the rest of the world. Those times I simply do just that. And for the most part, no one is the wiser. Sometimes, once in a while I encounter someone who will actually lift my spirits unexpectedly and put me back into the land of the living, the realm of “okay-ness” and then things start themselves back into an upward swing a little earlier than I had anticipated. I like to think of these little moments as unexpected treats, and for those I am grateful.
I think there was a time in my life early on when I thought I would be one of those unfortunate souls who actually never got what they wanted. I would look around me at the ‘beautiful’ girls, the ‘clever’ girls, the ‘popular’ girls and realize without a doubt that I was definitely not one of them, nor would I ever be. This might sound extreme but that is how I felt nonetheless. I now realize that no one is always the ‘beautiful', 'clever', or 'popular’ one ALL of the time, and that even those people I perceived to have perfect lives of course did not, and do not now. But it still startles me when I am treated as if I were one of those people, the very people in my youth that I so envied. I still think, “Are you talking to ME?”
As I got older, my idols or the girls that I ended up admiring most were not the popular ones, or the most beautiful, or even the most talented. They were the girls who just did their own thing, who did not seem to mind or care that they were not society’s idea of what was ideal. The girls who were so self-confident that they could completely embrace their difference, their uniqueness, their true self and did not waver in their convictions. Those are the women, the people I admire most now. Do they always get what they want? I’m quite certain they do not. Yet, they carry on in a way that makes the rest of the world think that they do. For they are confident with who they are. They have a mind of their own and they are creating their own paths, their own destinies.
Which brings me to the title of this article. There is a song by the Talking Heads – 'Once in a Lifetime' – where David Byrne sings, “This is not my beautiful wife, this is not my beautiful car,…How did I get here?” But rather than a song about midlife crisis, I’ve interpreted it in a completely different way. Sometimes I am stunned by my own good fortune. How indeed did I get to be so lucky as to have the life I have now? Is it perfect? Not by a long shot. But I am so grateful for the things that I do have - the things I need – the things that make me truly happy without trying. I have a beautiful, healthy family who loves me and whom I love back. I am so proud of my husband and all of his achievements, of my son who (although not perfect) seems to exhibit the qualities and talents I never possessed as a child myself. I have found my voice so to speak – a reason to get up in the mornings – the same reason that keeps me up at night sometimes (in a good way), spinning thoughts of pure inspiration in my head and heart, sending adrenaline through my very soul. I have found a way to keep on being inspired to do what I love and have a support system in place that enables me to be able to express myself untethered, unfearful, and completely free. Is my life perfect? Again, far from it. Do I always get what I want? Of course not, but sometimes what we want is not what we need...
I now also understand the saying, “Be careful of what you wish for,” for sometimes those are the very things that we not only do not need, but end up harming us in ways we could never have anticipated. All those sayings, “All that glitters is not gold”, etc. have come into being for a reason. There is a bit of truth in them all. Money, fancy cars, commercial success – all those things do not necessarily bring happiness. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from watching those around me, it is that all the money in the world can’t buy happiness (or class).
If I had to give a piece of advice to anyone else it would be this – don’t throw away your life for someone else, for someone else’s ideals, or to make someone else rich. Be kind to others and most importantly, live for yourself. I now also realize that I have had a hand in some of my own good fortune. For what we put out there in the world comes back to us in ways we could not have imagined.
...Time isn’t holding us, time isn’t after us Time isn’t holding us, time doesn’t hold you back… Letting the days go by, letting the days go by, letting the days go by, once in a lifetime...
